Just a little disclaimer to say that this is not intended to be a neggy post. I am genuinely obsessed with my life. I’m merely reflecting on recent events and getting some lols in during the process. After all, if you can’t laugh at your own misfortune then you’re in trouble!
So a couple of weeks after I returned home from traveling, September began. And I’m not going to lie, she’s usually good to me. I was still fresh off the plane and excited to start the academic year at a new University. But in the words of Alanis Morissette, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything’s okay.. And September took that phrase to a rather interesting new level (Kim Kardashian ugly cry face).
I think I knew I was in for a treat when my mum relapsed and I had to look after her dog. Which don’t get me wrong, was no trouble at all and I loved the company. But trying to figure out how I could keep a dog at my Uni accommodation was so stressful. A few weeks into this recurring nightmare that has been my life for the last 15 years, I called for some kind of help. I already knew what the paramedics were going to say but what else can you do. They came and confirmed exactly what I already knew – being that although she’s in a comatose state, they cannot take her into hospital until she becomes a serious danger to herself I.e starts coughing up blood or falls and seriously injures herself (definitely wanted to say fringe then). So I came to the arrangement with them that I was going to confiscate her bank cards and try to wean her off it myself, which I knew was going to be a 24 hour job for the foreseeable future but I was willing. Whilst she was semi-conscious we agreed to start reducing that day, but fast forward a week later and the 2am, 3am, 4am, 5am nightly withdrawal phone calls off her were just getting worse. Until I woke up to no calls which was really suspicious.. I went down to her house to check she hadn’t fallen or worse and she wasn’t there? She couldn’t walk properly because she was so frail so it was really difficult to try and imagine where she might have gone. We rang all of her friends, boyfriend, ex boyfriends and hospitals in the local area and no one had seen or heard anything. A couple of days later we filed a missing persons report and the police started to help us with our search. On day 7 we tried the hospital again and she’d been admitted that morning. You couldn’t write it.. but what a relief. I mean, how does somebody with no bank cards and no car keys disappear off the face of the earth for 7 days? It’s comical really. But she was safe and sound and that’s obviously all that matters. After a HELLISH few weeks I was already pretty done with the shit storm that was – being home from Oz. But the bad always comes in threes, right?
My relationship with ‘Mr Right’ came to an end. It ended on really positive terms and there is genuinely no remorse or hard feelings between us. He’s my favourite person in this world and I have more respect for him than anyone else. And I really am forever grateful to him for having welcomed me into his family home and for his family to have set my standard of what family-life should be like. It’s no secret that falling in love with the right person makes you selfless. But we both needed to be selfish during these crucial years of our life. We both needed to put ourselves and our education/careers first without any distractions. I’m still his biggest fan and have been since I was 14 years old and I wish him all the happiness he can achieve in this life. And if our paths are supposed to cross again in the future then I look forward to it.
Oh you know that University I was so looking forward to starting? Well I hated it and I dropped out. Lol. LOVE U SEPTEMBER. It’s such a shame because I soo wanted to love it and I was so looking forward to the course and the experience but it just wasn’t what I expected. Even on the first day instinct told me I just wasn’t going to enjoy my time there. And if I did stick it out it was going to be a painfully long and difficult 12 months. I was given my timetable by the module leaders with last years rooms on it, making me nearly an hour late to the first lecture of term as I’d been sent back and forth by numerous (unfriendly and unapproachable) staff as no one could tell me what room I was supposed to be in. Which, for such a self-confessed ‘prestigious institution’ I found really surprising. But you know, I wasn’t about to let that cloud my judgement regarding the University and the course but there was a lot of little things that just didn’t sit right with me. All of the students on the course had studied law or medicine at undergraduate as one of the LLM pathways was “law, medicine and health care”. I think about 80% were medicine grads and the other 20% law grads. There was myself and one other girl who had transferred over from a different university, which obviously I didn’t mind in terms of being a loner and not talking to anybody all day I actually enjoy that at the best of times. But the course was basically Law, with aspects of Human Rights “which we’ll touch on in week 12” ..which I thought was a little miss-leading judging by the course title “human rights law” but hey ho. I stuck it out for a couple of weeks and thought to myself, I need to be smart about this and act fast. That day I got home and rang my old University explaining the situation and they absolutely bent over backwards for me. The staff I spoke to went above and beyond and it really just confirmed the existing idea that I was going to be so much happier there. I applied for a Masters of Science in Addiction, a course specifically focused on epidemiology, intervention and treatment, and one which I had been eyeing up the previous year (may as well put theory with practice). I wrote a new personal statement and I got accepted onto the course (later remembering the 20% discount for former undergrad students, happy days!). And honestly? I couldn’t be more thrilled about my decision. I’m about 2 weeks behind but I’m feeling so positive about this unexpected path and about this time in my life in general. I think sometimes everything goes to shit in order for us to enhance our strength and resilience to life pressures. FR. It’s all character building. This month has taught me to use my own initiative in every situation and that there is no progress without action. Period.
For the first time in a very very veryyy long time, I’m putting all of my energy and effort into myself. And it feels fucking fantastic.
Hello October.. please be my friend